Monday, October 21, 2013

Singaporeans need Anger Management

Recent fights, stabbing and quarrels in the streets of Singapore is a major concern. We have an old aunt being beaten up by her neighbor, we have uncles quarreling in the MRT trains over priority seat, we have Kung Fu display in Bus interchange...

Maybe its time MOE introduce Anger Management module. Start young, allow them to have better self-control.


In the Ten commandments; "Thou shalt do no murder" but many a times anger gets the better of us and wishes someone is dead! We have committed murder in our minds.

Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

There is nothing wrong being angry, even Lord Jesus Christ got angry when they turn his Temple, a place of worship, into a Market place. The point is if you get angry - exercise Self-control and do not Sin!

Ephesians 4:26-27 "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."


Broken family, broken hearts - We have family (father and mother) screaming at one another, causing unmeasurable amount of hurt to their children.

http://www.todayonline.com/singapore/family-justice-system-poised-paradigm-shift

Family justice system poised for paradigm shift

Growing strains on family life, as evidenced by a spiking divorce rate, mean that a re-tooling of the justice system to deal with such disputes will be needed soon.

This could include Family Court judges who are empowered to stop hearings from descending into acrimonious barb-trading by estranged lovers, and boosting the skills of police officers, teachers and others so they can help prevent family disputes from escalating into bitter splits.

These are among the broad shifts in the shake-up in store for the family justice system, said Chief Justice Sundaresh Menon yesterday, as he noted the “need” for a fresh look at the Family Court’s “mandate, purview and approach” as it approaches its 20th anniversary.

Speaking at the inaugural Family Justice Practice Forum yesterday, he said the rethink is directed at better protecting the best interests of children ensnared by their parents’ fall-out, and focusing court processes and outcomes for sparring couples on appropriate resolutions. The changes can also help families better handle the “trauma of familial dysfunction” by shifting the focus from acrimony and recrimination towards resolution and closure, he added.

The specific recommendations to achieve these broad goals will be presented for consultation “soon” by the committee tasked with the rethink.

Co-chaired by Senior Minister of State (Law and Education) Indranee Rajah and Judge of Appeal V K Rajah, the committee was mooted by CJ Menon when he opened the legal year in January.

The committee is also looking into ways to strengthen support for couples who opt not to divorce despite domestic violence or maintenance issues — from child access and counselling to advice on housing, education and financial needs.

Noting that longer working hours and shifting perceptions of marriage and the community have led to “signs of growing strains on family life” in the last 20 years, CJ Menon said the “erosion of the family as we know it” has made the Family Court’s role more important than ever.

“Where the Court was once a last resort, now, within the family and juvenile justice system, we face more disputes, more crimes, have more families to assist and more children to protect,” he said.

For example, he pointed out that divorce rates — one in four marriages — are probably at their highest level here and there are also more reported incidents of family violence, going by the near doubling of applications for Personal Protection and Domestic Exclusion orders since 1996.

Thus, there must be a fundamental change in the role of Family Court judges, CJ Menon said. Instead of being just “passive umpires”, judges will take an inquisitorial approach and help address key issues in cases. They can also direct that only the relevant evidence and witnesses be produced.

In tandem, lawyers could be prodded to acquire a new Family Law Practitioner accreditation, where prerequisites would likely include training in aspects of social work, counselling and mediation, as well as a deeper knowledge of family law.

The rationale for the paradigm shift stems from the ill consequences of the current adversarial approach in familial litigations, explained CJ Menon.

Because of the protracted and complex process, litigants are constantly left “bewildered and vexed”, he said. “Instead of being equipped for all that lies ahead, parties often leave the courtroom feeling that they have been victimised and adjudged failures and morally unsuitable as parents or spouses.”

And with husband and wife engaged in a “morass of hurtful attacks” against each other, the child’s welfare risks getting buried.

“What we must ultimately aim for is an eco-system in which we will hear clearly the voice of the child so that the child’s best interests are appropriately addressed; and where disputes and differences are resolved in a sensible and non-technical manner with a measure of heart, compassion and sympathy.”

The “point of entry” into the family justice system is also important, he noted.

Those manning the various “touch-points” will be armed with the right skills and information so that they can provide “real and meaningful help to distressed families”. They will also channel cases to “specialist family care agencies” who will have social workers with “deep expertise” in dealing with family disputes.


Sometimes, Delay is Good
James 1:19-20 "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."


Proverbs 16:32 "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city." Head on when both sides are angry, is like holding shotgun firing at each other... consequences is everyone around gets hurt!


Anger management issues among Singapore children on the rise

Getting calls from teachers complaining about her 10-year-old son's behaviour is something that Madam Toh is used to.

The 48-year-old factory worker, who declined to give her full name, said her son has had problems relating to his classmates.

But the calls stopped after he attended an anger management programme run by the Singapore Children's Society in March.

The society aims to promote the well-being of children, mainly those from abusive and dysfunctional families.

It said there is a rising number of youngsters needing help to manage anger problems and in 2010, it set up a programme called Storm Riders to combat this.

Offering interactive activities and counselling, it has since helped 94 kids aged eight to 12 - mostly boys. "Because of the pace of our society and exposure to instant messaging, we expect more children to face such issues. The younger generation expects instant gratification," executive director Alfred Tan said.

"Many families are small now, so there will be higher expectations on the child in terms of performance. Children who don't meet expectations - that's where the stress levels go up and one outcome will be the issue of anger."

Ms Jenny Giam, a senior counsellor at the society, said that other reasons include family background, parenting style and exposure to violence from TV and computer games. A child may also express anger to seek attention.

Mr Tan noted: "Social workers have seen younger children exhibit such behaviour so we came up with the programme to address the issue early. We will need more early intervention programmes."

The Institute of Mental Health said it treated 74 children aged eight to 13 for anger management issues from 2007 to 2011. Dr Bernardine Woo, senior consultant at its Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, said common signs of anger in children include physical violence, verbal abuse and being sullen or withdrawn.

Professionals said it is important to seek help early and parents should not dismiss the behaviour as a "growing-up phase".

Dr Adrian Wang, a consultant psychiatrist at Gleneagles Medical Centre, said: "Childhood is an important phase of life where future values, behaviours and mindsets are being moulded."

Said Madam Toh, whose son was referred to the society by his school: "I was very frustrated, but now I see a change and it works."

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